Rant & Request for Ideas

Dark Lord · Rant & Request for Ideas

Okay rant first...

What sort of a low life steals mail? My wife used to run a women's clothing store, but now she runs a plus size men's clothings store. The result is that now I am well dressed and dashing, she is still wearing last year's stuff. So we had a few extra dollars after our move and she decided to treat herself to some catalog orders. Well they arrived the day before we moved in and some piece of crap stole the box from in front of our door. The shop was kind enough to send it again (although not with signature confirmation as she requested and offered to pay for) and it was stolen again!
Now coincidentally the woman across the hall is the same size as my wife and the other tenants in the building include a 50+ year old man, who probably wouldn't be interested in Lane Bryant fashions, and my wife's grandfather.

The list of suspects is pretty small. Low life b*7<#!!

Now as for my request...most everybody who posts here is pretty clever, and at least startegically minded...well except for Ramsay.

Anyone got any ideas on how to catch a mail thief?

Here's the layout of the building. The mailbox is in the stairwell. Packages are left in front of my door.

Help me come up with a way to catch this troll in the act!

Norse

I have the perfect way to catch her, but as you were so rude I'm not telling you...

Dark Lord

Oh alright then.

Norse is the God of Strategery! We all pale in comparison!

Now lay some guile on me.

Norse

well, you need to get yourself a box with the relevant Lane Bryant labels or stickers (or mock one up)..

then you need to fill it to the brim with tog turds and tape it shut

then you leave it outside your door and try not to snicker all day..

of course, you could install a very expensive CCTV system..

or you could tell your wife to have parcels delivered to work from now on..

but I like the box of dog sh!t as a starting point...

if that is too base, take an empty box and put a "Fat Kuntz Clothing" sticker on the side and see if she steals that quite so happily..

you see, I AM a master of strategy..

Thom

Dark Lord

Okay dog poo is a good idea...how about a mix of dog shizz and cat fish bait?

brownrob

you need to get some of that stuff that will stain her when she opens the box, something thats hard to remove... say an ink bomb... but is your friend the type to sue by getting covered in ink while she tries to steal your stuff. Would be worth it to see them with a blue face for a week

Or set something under the box that makes a huge noise when you lift it, so you hear it

Or best one yet, get that mannequin they did of Norse in Madam Tussauds in the fish nets etc and set it in your hallway, guarantee nobody will be oming ;)

Darkson

brownrob

Ted Striker

car key finder.......

get one of those gadgets you put on your car key ring that beeps. My wife has one because my son is always stealing her keys to start up his toy cars. You just push a button and the thing starts beeping.

Get one of those, hide it under the bottom flap of the box, and let the box get stolen. Push the button and the guilty apartment will start beeping.

I would call the cops and have them there when you do it.

as an example...

http://www.keyringer.com/

of course there is always the classic brownie's iced with exlax.....

majortusk

It has always been a good practicaljoke i have always wanted to do.

Ramsay has part 1 with poo in a box. While funny, it doesnt really effect the person besides smell. Its not funny for you unless someone gets it on themself.

part 2 is to get a bunch of packing peanuts
part 3 put peanuts in box over the poo

you see, when you get a box full of peanuts, you want to dig into them to see whats inside, and thats funny :)

and to quote my favorite TV show, Its Aways Sunny in Philadelphia

Frank: "because Poo is funny"

skatingtortoise

move to britain.

apart from that, the exploding paint box sounds like a hoot. can you really get sued if someone steals your mail, opens it, and gets a room covered in green fluorescent paint? (especially if its sent to you by oh, your grandad...)

skatingtortoise

Xtreme

Dark Lord

I would love to have a CCTV system but part of of the trade off of apartment living is that I can't easily do stuff like that.

Interesting twist tho- We came home today to find the second package in our doorway...but it had obviously been opened and resealed. Now I ran into the 50+ year old man in the hallway before this and mentioned our mail being stolen. He said he had seen the packages but not the thief.

So either he was scared by my mentioning it and he returned the women's clothing he didn't need, or the two ladies, who I think took it, saw me digging through the dumpster for clues and/or overheard me talking to the postman right outside their door and returned it.

I think I am still going to try the poo thing...it seems feasible. However, I need ideas on how to conceal the smell until it's too late to prevent skin contact.
I like the peanuts idea; that's clever! But how do I seal up the stink bomb but have burst open when handled.

I'm hesitant to Google "mail bombs"

skatingtortoise

put in in a weak bag and have it rigged to drop out the bottom.

there must be a way to have the 'opening' action trigger splitting the bag and opening the bottom.

Ziggi

Poo might be funny, but it is a bit obvious and you have no way of knowing how it worked. You might take items of clothing and apply something very irritant but not obviously noticeable to them so that the victim would develop a rash or something.

Ziggi

Dark Lord

skatingtortoise

Ziggi

This might be going too far since it could be dangerous and could potentially lead to criminal repercussions so I'm not really endorsing doing something like this, but since this discussion is only academic I'll give more suggestions.

I cant think of a way get tar and feathers to work in this but that would be very traditional way to go.

Z

Boromir_and_kermit

Buy a kids walkie talky kit for like $5 and put one of the walky talkies in the box switched on.

When you get home, simply speak into the walky talky and say something like. "We know you stole the package, bring it back or I'll call the cops, I know who you are."

The other way is to take a 'sickie' and have a kids door alarm setup hard against the box, so when it is lifted, the alarm goes off and you'll hear it. You'll catch her in the act. When you know who she is and she knows you know, she would have to be stupid to do it again.

Hope you catch the b$%#h. I hate stuff like that.

Ben.

PS. Another idea, a plastic fishtank in the box filled with water / permanent ink. When she picks it up it will spill all over her clothes... hehe

hangus

hmm interesting. Get yourself an attack tortoise, hide it in the box, wait to the next day and see who is being chased by said Attack Tortoise (tm)

Or

Kidnap a small child give it a mobile phone, put it in the box and wait to see who gets picked up the next day by the cops for being a kiddie fiddler.

Or can you get that stuff that you put over the box (like a powder or paint) and who ever touches it cannot wash it off and you can tell who has haddled it.